What in the Hell Kind of GD Video is This?

What is this lazy shit? I’m shocked. Dope song. Mixed reviews. The video is your chance to make your case…

You blew it, ‘Ye.

After I woke up I still couldn’t figure out what that woman was doing laying around in those curtains. Is she his money that needs to get right? Is this video just a crazy dream I had about shitty music videos and maybe it doesn’t really exist? Let’s hope so.

I am really, sorely, wholely disappointed with the lack of vision in the visuals nowadays. People act like the video has absolutely nothing to do with the song. Sorry I’m late, but this just brings to mind certain other stinging offenses of which I have yet to let go. Namely:

Beyonce riding in the backseat, and then in the trunk of her man’s car, showing us what it takes to be an “Upgrade”:

There’s something really fancy about that chair Jay’s sitting in. Wait a minute, it’s Beyonce! Why, she’s upgraded it! That’s clear to see.

Here we have Beyonce claiming to be the “Suga Mama” of a man that’s nowhere to be seen whilst riding a fake bull and swinging on a pole:

What kinda “Suga Mama” works for tips? Oh, but she is wearing a man’s dress shirt so maybe that means she gets an official check for her work. Is she her own Suga Mama? She’s the only one there.

Am I being too hard on Kanye by making this comparison? Or are you just too in love with him to see straight? I feel what that dude at EW is saying about the stage lights in the desert at night but WTF is he doing during the day? Nope. It’s not okay. It’s disappointing.

(post title (c) dlisted)

..wait til I get my money right.


Apparently money never gets right. A couple weeks ago I saw a 20/20 special episode on the richest Americans and their charitable endeavors. In it Ted Turner, a man who’s designated a large portion of his billionaire wealth to charity, talked about not being ready to retire from his career of getting money for fear that he has not yet gotten enough money. He’s not secure that his current wealth will be quite enough to sustain him for life. Really?

Kanye West’s new single “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” addresses the same issue. He’s got lots of money, just not enough. “Wait til I get my money right…” goes the hook. As he tells it, money being right is more to do with the money’d person’s overall “rightness.” For my money, West’s is #1 of the current big three money/pop/hop tunes. Likely there are more than three–i don’t keep up with the kids like I used to–but as of now my iPod is spinning:

3) 50 Cent, “I Get Money”
2) Swizz Beatz, “Money in the Bank”
1) Kanye West, “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”

Kanye’s is first cuz I listen to it the most. It’s the most thought-full even though they’re all about the same thing: Money’s not real, being all about money is not real.

3) “I Get Money”

50 Cent to Audience: Not only do I run New York just because I say so, but I also run you. Give me all your money. I thought so.

Gollee, gee whiz, and boy oh boy do I hate (meaning also like) 50 Cent. His whole-hearted embrace of a money-by-any-means-above-all-else-ideology puts him in diametric opposition to my point of view. But of course polar opposites become the nearest points in a circuit. I.E. there are no two things more alike than opposites. I say that to mean I LOVE “I Get Money.” To say nothing of that hearty beat built on a classic 50 cent rape of a classic, his trademark exaggerated dicky-ness is just soooo extremely satisfying.

For real, how is that bastard gonna say he’s selling quarter water in bottles for $2 dollars??!! The ink is not yet dry on Coca-cola’s check. Plus he’s totally shitting on his quarter (vitamin) water hood babies that underwrite his entire career. And that’s just the first line. No respect. That’s 50’s whole story–no respect, in a bottle. In every one of his hits he spouts a variation on the theme “Fuck you.” And that “you” could be anyone or anything. Seriously anyone, except maybe his biological son…maybe.

Audience to 50 Cent: You know what, Fif? You do run New York, and me. Here’s my money.

What’s his secret? I’ll never know. It’s not like you can uncombine the chemistry of his talent and ambition and timing and lack of ethics. They all contribute, who knows in what quantities. All I know is, it is a fantasy what he’s selling. He knows it, the buyer knows it. Same with Kanye, and any superstar really, but I feel less dirty about Kanye’s trek through the culture cuz it feels less like a rape, more like a choice. Why is that?

2) “Money in the Bank”

Gold Digger Enamel on Board 19″ x 19″

First of all, Kanye West made this song two years ago and it was called “Gold Digger.” Second of all, it sounds mad hot. I bet it bangs in the club. We’ll see. Third, WHY do Hip Hop men hate taking care of women so much? You don’t hear many women (besides Remy Ma) saying things like, “We don’t love them kids,” or some such.

Not that women are the same as babies. But Swizz’s (and Kanye’s…and damn near every rich man’s) argument presupposes that the money is the man’s. Let’s just try and figure out what happened to all this woman’s money that she has to go digging for yours. What could have happened? Is she a crackhead? A hooker? Otherwise she should be able to support herself, right? If she’s one of the above then maybe you shouldn’t be dating or writing songs about her. Are you her slave? How can you be at once a goldmine and also a slave?

Regarding the challenges facing today’s professional women I recently heard the aphorism, “Everyone needs a wife.” I.E. adult life can’t be sustained by one adult. I.E. homes must be made. Who’s home-making in your life? Cuz somebody needs to be or else you won’t have a life. Please explain to me why home-making is supposed to be free or minimum wage-earning. If the goal is to team up with someone and work as a team, then why can’t we share our shit? Isn’t said shit really ours anyway regardless of who walks it through the front door? Must one of us always be out to get the other or are we destined to be opposed by gender?

1) “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”
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Seriously, it’s my favorite. So much so that I have nothing to say about it. It says everything for itself. What do you have to say?

Dick Flicks

I’m totally hating on Superbad – a movie I haven’t seen.

Hate thesis: WTF, aren’t girls funny?

Everyone, I mean EVERYONE who’s article I’ve read or who’s moviegoing experience I’ve heard—men and women, boys and girls—said that Superbad was super good.

Fuck off. I don’t care.

Seriously, I’m not the audience. You know what else was good? Some “chick flick” that no one ever saw because people called it a chick flick.

Does anyone notice that a movie can have an all-male leading cast and still be considered topical for general audiences? While any film with a predominately-female cast gets the female-audience marketing and press treatment, gender is almost never even mentioned when it comes to man-centric stories. Why is it that women can relate and grasp and laugh and empathize with the stories of men while men get to say “chick flick” and dismiss our stories?

Some stories are genuinely gender-inclusive. But the vast majority of major Hollywood films are about the lives of cool men to which women contribute smaller parts—usually their private parts. Even when the guys are geeks they’re cool enough to be the lead that you’ll end up falling in love with. You tend not to fall in love with a girl geek in a movie unless and until she gets a makeover.

I love movies. I fucking love movies. So I definitely love men—directors, writers, and actors—and their stories. But here’s a few fact-ish items:

1) I’m a woman.
2) I’m not lame.
3) I’m pretty sure I’m not the only woman who’s not lame.
4) I don’t actually make movies myself, so I’m no expert, yet somehow I can conceive of the possibility that a general audience could find a story about women entertaining—possibly even humorous and engaging. I know, I know, if I actually worked in the movie business I would understand why that’s simply impossible. I’d have the facts. The lay-people always wanna tell the experts how it’s done.

I’m not saying that boy movies shouldn’t exist, I’m just saying, “dick flick” is just as much of a specialization as “chick flick” and we should all–the critics and the fans–take notice. The culture seems to say “who doesn’t want to spend a couple of hours with a bunch of guys? Isn’t that the spice of everyone’s life?” Let’s pull our heads out of our asses. This isn’t 100 years ago or something.